every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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