we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
PANTIES FOUND
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
