I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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