is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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