I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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