I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
