i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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