you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pants are for mortals
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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