you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
