I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
