just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
