So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
