when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
