I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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