He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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