You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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