guys are not supposed to queef...right?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
