That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He passed out mid-signature
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
