I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
