You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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