Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
