fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
