im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
