Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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