Your mouth is God's brothel.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
