Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
