just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
