Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
