I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
