Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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