i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
please come you make the beer taste better
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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