I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
