the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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