remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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