my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
