Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
