What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this will be a night to untag.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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