Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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