Sry I called you an 8
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
