Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
