seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
