so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
