you would pick up someone in the library
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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