He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
