it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
