you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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