White coat. Heels.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
