Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
