The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
