Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
