I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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