Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
