Swine flu. Run for my life!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
