saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A bitchslap is in order.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
