Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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